First quarter of January 2014

Maybe it's a little late to wish this but, heh who cares ?

Happppy New Year 2014 !

"new year new me...." *slaps own face*
Enough with that statement , you'll never be new, at all !

Soooo,
the first quarter of 2014 has just passed, there are things that i wanna mention about regarding myself these past days .

Nothing New.

I expect nothing to be changed, maybe a bit. I made no new year resolution and no new hope about anything. Already lost the ability to trust myself again, if i ever said i will change or be hardworking or be better then it just like me throwing stone at the sky and hope for it to fly away across the space and galaxy ._.
This is not a sci-fi movie, i am now relying more on my left-brain to think most of the think.

Focus and confidence.

Ha ! I dont know what happened to my these two things, it just gone like that. In classes i couldn't focus and absorb the information, it just flew away from me like avoiding me or something ;_;
Especially in math, yep. There were things, that circling in my head, idk what.
My mission for days to come is to find my focus back, must ask help from Sherlock, for free of course

Oh, then my confident has dissapeared too. I am no longer able to talk with people that i might have known before, i just lost that courage and ability to speak fluently. I trembled a lot while speaking, mind went blank and heart pounding so fast. Why ? No explanation yet to be discovered . I fed the butterflies in my stomach haha

Fantasy

I lost my grip on reality. Everything seemed so unreal and surreal to me. Was it all just a dream ? Will i wake up someday from all of this ? Questionable. A nightmare that i created and keep playing in my mind, replay replay replay. I always dreamed, being alone and nobody around to condole. Just me and the imaginary world. Where is my reality ? Is it still in existence  ? Questionable. I see through the real world and think in my world. Become the narrator to my life.

Future

Ahh i like this, the one that stunned me. Confuse about the path that i'm taking now, will this lead me to the right way ? Hard to decide. It made me hard to sleep at night, the flashback of my past and comparison to present me. I know what i should do to achieve anything that i want but i cant. Will continue in finding the reason to this and overcome it

Relationship

What relationship ? With Friend, yes. With Family, yes.  With acquaintance, yes. With somebody special ? nah. It never crosses my mind. Why should i ? I have enough friend that always with their works and being busy with their schedules, i have family that always spend their time with anybody but me, not that close and awkwardness, i have acquaintance that exist on social websites, yeh, everything is just fine.
*exaggerating detected* LOL

No, actually i should blame myself for not having the time to spend with them. I'm too busy with doing nothing, being on the internet for all hours, overthinking about something unrelated and blablabla. Ouch.

Religion

This one, scares me. I dont know how to explain. Well dont worry im still on the right track, but with curiosity.


Okay that's it i think for now, sure there are something more but no, maybe next time.
pardon me for any mistakes, correct me if there's something wrong in my text, like grammar or any.  been a while since my last post aha.

Type to you later ! :)