Kelik kalau anda rajin,.. :] _

Tuesday, 25 September 2018

Life Update

Heyyo everybody!

OKAY NO JOKE WHO ARE STILL READING THIS AFTER ALL THESE YEARS??? I LOVE YOU <3

oKAY!! back to my main intention. So currently I'm in my fifth semester and life is still fine not really ksjskjks. I'm doing my FYP (Final Year Project) this year as well as looking for my internship place. So, yes right now im so TAK TAHU MANA NAK CARI my intern place lah. It has been like what 2 hours of googling? yet maybe a few Ive found around Perlis.

;_; send halp im dying

Ok but for real, the science department in Perlis is so tiny that I couldn't really find any related companies with biotech or molecular work or just anything with it. There are just a few days left before my advisor or adviser?? would ask the company letter sjkhaksd kil me

but anyway other than that I am completely fine. it all yiz gewd~~

pls wish me luck with my life this sem! As what I've heard from my senior, Sem 5 is the toughest for this course. The failure rate is stupid high (im looking at you Immunology and Genomics subjects). All the best to me!


OHHHHh btw hey feels like I havent write anything in such a long time. Without blogging, I still wrote something in my laptop and saved it in a secret folder ayy ahha. good to write back.

I will end this post with this current trend of Dango Cat. im so fuckinghh obsessesseddd


Goodbye! cya soon :)

Sunday, 31 December 2017

it is 2018

Hey guys.

[WARNING: THIS POST IS DEPRESSING AS HELL. NOTHING FUN. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. HAHAHHAHAHA]

Right now the clock is showing 10:07 pm of the last day for 2017.

I'm taking a short break since like 7pm ago so not really short from studying to write this post. Oh, btw my first paper starts on 2nd of January and I'm so not ready for it yet.

Anyways, instead of going out to celebrate the new year here I am inside my room in this rented house listening to my 2017 most played songs playlist from spotify. Well, how was my life for the whole 2017?

I don't really know how to describe it. I am 22 years old this year, I am an adult, but I barely feel like it. Truthfully, I don't think I'm that independent myself. I still have to depend on my parents a lot for many things especially regarding my financial. Other than that, not much either.

Also, this year actually taught me how to socialize better, even though I still yet to understand it fully. I joined a theatre club and it is one of my best decision coz thru that I met so many new people that are quite the same like me; liberal and shit. They are mostly from law faculty so that's kinda explain it lol.

Since I didn't get accepted into hostel facility for my second semester in Shah Alam, I've got to rent a house outside. This is my first time living outside of college and it brought so many new experiences. And yes, it actually caused my study to deteriorate a bit since I couldn't adapt myself that much. I'll explain more about this further down.

And this year also made me realize one more thing-- that I have a depression. I wouldn't say THAT bad of a depression but maybe a mild one, I think. Or just a little stress? But I didn't feel stress. During my semester break, I woke up at noon and went to take a long bath and sit in front of my laptop and rested by laying on my bed looking at the moving fan for hours. I felt nothing. So empty. I have so many things to think (Which contradicts with this blog's name hahahhaa) and those things are something that I don't know how to solve. I have never told this to anyone, this is my first time writing it here. I felt so lonely while being surrounding by so many people. I love them; my family, my friends, my cats and foods, but I still feel empty and lonely by myself. I don't know how to really describe it. It's not extreme or that bad  I promise so don't worry about me hahaha. I had several suicidal thoughts on the most rare times but I wouldn't really proceed by killing myself that's just stupid and a waste of life. But, "having a lethal disease would kill me and it wouldnt be considered as suicide like cancer or something". This is the kind of thoughts I have. Maybe I shouldn't really tell you this but since it's getting into a new year, I think I just want to talk to people to share my problems. idk. Then again, those feeling will vanish and I feel happy to be alive and experience many great and bad things in life.

Also, one thing I need to mention here is that I have issues with myself. So many issues. Religion, sexual orientation, future decision, and so on. It's a constant war scene inside my head hahaha. Ok not really, just wanted to visualize a bit of the way I think. All of these things actually make me to not care too much about everything in this world. Well, except something that I can't control which is my own heart. I can't control of whom I like, hate, afraid and uncomfortable to be around. But mostly, I can't control of the people that I fell in love with. And it is so fucking stressful because they are usually the people that I can't tell my feelings. Why? Well, not gonna talk about it here lol hahaha.

So about my study, I did moderately fine in my first semester here with a pointer that is good enough to let people say "Hey that's kinda good." but not that great. For second semester, the semester I'm currently in, the semester that I have the most struggles with my time management and studies and people and life in particular, I don't think I'm doing fine. I failed so many tests. Something that I would have never expected from myself. I didn't study for tests and I know that and I failed and I know that but I did nothing to improve it. I'm scared of failing any subjects this semester coz if that occurred then I have to extend my year in this university which something I don't want. I need to pass. I just don't have the same passion for studying that I had during my diploma years. The eagerness for new knowledge and those kind of things. Geez.

I think this is the most I've wrote in expressing my feelings since forever. Never in my life I would think of pouring these words into real post and let people read about it, but it's 2018 and fuck it I've had enough of being by myself. I don't expect anyone to read this and if you did, don't worry about me. I'm still the same Izzi and I have always been like this since school but maybe with a lot more maturity and understanding about the world. cewah acah

I don't feel as excited as I was before to post on social media like I used to. For 2018, I hope just to be happy and healthy. I need to do some activities that help my mental health to improve. I don't even know whether I really have depression or just a normal mind like everyone else and I'm just making this looks bad. Idk. I'm not in anyone's brain to notice that lol.

It's 10:38 pm right now and I think I should continue reading my notes to prepare for the upcoming final. Please pray for me in any religion you believe in. Pray for that I will pass my exam nicely. I have not great expectation about 2018. Just another ordinary year will pass by like how it always does.

Thank you for reading.

I hope you are doing great in life and in your mind.

Have a happy new year!

May 2018 brings you a lot of love and lucks.

:)



Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Classmates from DiplomaLife

Hey guys! 

surprise bitch
i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me

Okay apparently I just noticed that some of my friends (a better word; classmates) have forgotten about my existence 😢.

"Dude chill, it's normal. They aren't forgetting you it's just they too have a busy life and their own lives to live!"

Yeah I know that, but here's the thing. I discovered that some people actually unfollowed me from socmeds (or maybe, idk, blocked me? meh). That's why I think they are trying to avoid me or just running away from my existence.

WHAT COULD BE THE REASONS..?

Well, I think they must have had a crucial reason for doing that. Maybe they are moving on to a newer part of their life? Like, NEW YEAR NEW ME kinda thing. Or maybe I did something wrong in the past and they couldn't really forget about it and just cut ties with me so that they wouldn't be reminded of that again? Yeah I don't really know.

But whatever the reason is, I'm offended.

No, seriously.

Maybe, you should have told me beforehand about that and I would understand that, but to just suddenly removed me from your life like that? It would be easier for me to take if we've been knowing each other for less than a couple of months but no, it has been a couple of years.


Anyway, as much as I'm pretending I don't care, I care a lot. But it's your life, do what you want though I'm holding no grudges towards you
                                      :)

If it's for the better, then I'm okay with it. Just, don't forget our friendships aite? I'll be there if you choose to come back again and wanting to know me again. hahahaa.


To end this post, I'm going to state one thing again: I'm not sad, just a little bit curious of why would you do that. But I'm okay.

thank you!


p/s: Seems like I'm going to write a lot this year. Hah! Keep updated lel

Monday, 13 February 2017

Early 2k17 (Update of my current Life)

So hey guys! How you doin? I hope you're doing okay. 


Well... 2017 has been great so far with a lot of new things and unexpected decisions. Looking back on previous years, I think I did a good job in living as a human. So far, no weird diseases or extreme sickness or even infectious diseases have gotten into me, thank god. lol
Can't say much about my heart condition though (hint: I'm dead inside 😂 )
My academic progress has reached a new height! Since I'm done with Diploma already. So kinda like a new achievement unlocked eh?

So, here comes the new challenge. Today is 12th Feb of 2017 and I've just decided to further my degree in UiTM Shah Alam. surprise bitches The result for the uitm intake of march came out like on 10th Feb (which was on friday btw) and since then I've been thinking a lot. Frankly speaking, I'm way more interested in pursuing my degree in USM coz I've been aiming that place since like uhh 2014 maybe? Idk. But yeah I guess I'll just choose this route for now. The more important think to consider right now is the time taken for me to complete the degree (since I'm 22 y/o already ew ancient dino old fuck) and the accessibility of the course itself (biology ftw).

I was thinking of applying for the UPU and wishing and sacrifice myself to satan to get accepted lol jk to get into USM butttt the thing is I don't know what courses to take. You see? The problem with me is that I know nothing and I'm afraid of everything. The risks of doing this are there, a very high risk. So yeah I said to myself, "fuck this shit I'm going to uitm penerapan."

Yeah this is a wayyy safer road than the other one by going to this uitm. hahaha. And plus! -- It'll cost me less money since I don't really wanna put the burden on my family that much to pay for all of the costs and shits of me doing degree. (Think about the future!)

Having considered all of these, I'll go to UiTM. Hahahaha.

You might think like, "Ew izzi is over-reacting fuck off." 


Well then, you're not wrong. But hey it's not like you got the chance to make this kind of decision everyday right? It's going to affect my life for the next couple of years. Probably my ego as well possessing my way of handling stuffs

I don't even know what is the point of this post but yeah you got that one new info about me.
"So what course you're going to study?"


Uhh, I'm not going to mention it here just yet but well if you are really insisting on knowing that just contact me personally hahaha. Yeah I'll just update about my life soon enough after I've gotten into the place sebab aku akan meroyan pasal studies. HAHAHAHA ok

Yeah that's it. Till we meet again!

p/s: OMG THE FIRST POST OF 2K17. HAPPY NEW YEAR EBELIBADI!

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Place.


Isn't it beautiful?
You used to go to a place knowing no one else there, just visiting as a tourist.
You went there with no one to meet but the interesting things you've planned to see.
You spent time with family or old friends seeing new places.

Then you went into a college, knowing more people, learning their backgrounds; where they live.
You became close with them, good with them, friends.

Another time came,
When you went to the same place again.
You used to come here before, but now with people in your mind.
You go there for various reasons, but there are people associated with these places now.

The place become a new special place, not a stranger's land anymore.





p/s: I just posted this thing but I couldn't remember when did I write this lol

Thursday, 21 April 2016

SEMESTER BREAK!

Okay hello guys!

Based on the post title, you should already know that I'm currently on my semester break after finishing my fourth semester in university. Wohoo! The result of the latest final examination is expected to be out in mid May of 2016 so I still got plenty of time to waste before worrying about my result. ðŸ˜‚😂

Anyways, how are you doing? I'm doing great. I dont even know whos going to answer my question since im doubting anybody would still visiting my blog lol
   Heh. Actually maybe I'm not doing that great coz yknow; lazy-ness and shits messed my life real bad.
Okay.

  Guess I'll be telling you about myself so far. You've read about the story about me and Aqil from the last post right? Yeah we all good now. Perhaps closer than ever. Great.
And even better, since I've gotten a new phone my life has been a lot more miserable lazy wasting time productive and useful ðŸ˜‚. Finally, I could record a high quality video with this phone. Wow. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AGES to have a camera with this goood quality image/video. Kinda glad actually. Sometimes I feel like posting videos of me talking about issues, singing or something stupid but then I don't have quite the courage to do so yet. Maybe next time in future eh :P


Ohh. This fourth semester got a huge impact on me. Yes. It really did.
I did discover a lot of things this semester including:

  • I met a lot of new friends from my own batch/course whom I've never spoke since I was too shy to do so. 
  • I followed more people on social media to my acknowledge, before, when I thought there weren't many people use the social media as much as me. So happy for this lol
  • I handled a couple of events; sportsday, dinner for my course, events for my club. 
  • I became close again with my long-time-no-talk friend. lel
  • I communicated more often with my roommate. I kid you not, even with my roommate I'm a kind of silent person. 
  • Finishing a lab report in less than 24 hours. curse that lecturer tho haha
  • Last but not least, became comfortable with being myself with more people :)
  • I have successfully drawn a few portraits since the start of this semester. Wohoo!
Okay maybe there are lot more but I couldn't remember much. heh. 




Basically, yeah that what happened most of this semester. I hope for the best for the next semester which also my last semester studying there. omg I'm gonna miss them so much after this, like how I miss seeing my high school friens. tsk tsk. 

Bye for now! 

p/s: here's a bit photo. 

Edited this for group presentation. ðŸ˜‚😂😂😂😂😂
p/s 2.0: just discovered that emoji wont appear. lol too lazy to delete. LET IT BEEEE~


I designed this poster. #proud ðŸ˜‚

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

It's hot.

Hey guys!

Don't mind the title post-- I write it that way because it is hot right now at my place.

February of 2016 is nearing its end...wow I can't believe it's almost March already. Fucking surreal.

Oh! Important update of my life. Recently I bought a new phone with 75% of 'help' from my father (that phone costed me around 3x of my saving money 😛). I thought I would only be able to buy a phone that is okay to use with how much I've saved, then mom said I can choose something better.

I ended up buying a new model from samsung (galaxy A5 2016) which costed me RMxxxx. I can say it is satisfying for me as my previous phone was a hell of torture.

Guess this post is just about my new phone 😂😂. Maybe next time I will make a phone review lol.

Here's a current pic of me taken a couple of days earlier. Till then. Bye!

Oh by the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

Sunday, 13 December 2015

FourthSem.

Hello people!

Phew. It's already December. We're nearing 2016.

Anyways, I'm in my fourth semester right now. Just started in 2 weeks ago.
Of course, I've been looking forward how my relationship between me and Aqil going to be since the first day I entered here.

At first I was like, "Well, we probably will never be as close as before. Kden."

Then a couple of days later we started talking again. Cool.
SO, I can proudly say there's no more fraud between us (I guess) for now. Hahahaha. What a great thing to start the semester.


This semester I'll be in class G. There are like 2 permanent members of this class that is the same gender as me.

"Is it new to you? Do you find it uncomfortable? How do you cope with being with those gurls?"

To answer those questions, No No and I cope easily.
I find it comfortable to be around people with any genders. It's not a big problem.

The only REAL problem I'm having right now is my phone.
I couldn't use my whatsapp, any apps on my phone or anything except for sms, calling and hotspot for my laptop's internet. It's not thaat easy to live like this, coz I need to ask my friend about the current update of the class, any works or something. Sometimes I feel like I burden to much people as I'm not capable of finding the info by myself. Sorry friends!

Don't worry, I'll try to buy a new phone as soon as possible. To achieve that I need to save money.
Heck, 2 weeks into this fourth semester I'm able to save like RM50. lol

By January 2016, I will try to persuade my 'bankers' to add more money for this purpose. heuheu


That's it I think for now. I hope it all going to be okay for you and for me :D

Bye!

p/s: I'm starting my old hobby; drawing. I've drawn 3 portraits so far and likely to increase. It's so fun!!!!

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Sem3: Ended, yet not finished.

Hello you people!

it's me. finally. thank god. it's me yes i'm here writing this!

I just started my semester break (weeks ago actually lol). I really looking forward to spend my holiday with doing something that would benefit myself. Like maybe, gaining weight hahhaha.

I'm just going to write about how--from the start towards the end, of my semester 3 in diploma.

[Warning: expect some wall of texts and maybe pictures.]


     I started this semester around june. Got my result and quite happy with how it turned out to be. So I entered the new semester with lot of hopes. Got into my room and discovered that I would be spending the whole couple of months with my previous roommate from semester 2 + additional roommate, as it turned out to be my previous room neighbour. Perfect! Got into the same class as before even though they changed the name from the gorgeous ASD3Cn to a bit complicated RAS1203C. Huh. I couldn't refer to any classes with ( Aplhabetn ) concept anymore after this. Oh well. Improvement is great right? Okay.

     Then my classmates (some of them) got into some issues with the class schedules. They want to be in 3C but some of the overlapped schedules just made them frustrated. I reaaaally wanted to help them so I went to follow them anywhere to know the deals even though I couldn't really keep the pace of it everytime since my own schedule but I tried. Hah!. At the end they could stay but some of the subjects would have to be separated, but hey we were still together right? :)

Class 3C. those circles were aliens. dont mind em xD

Boys of 3C (biology). That man sitting was our lecturer.


     My friends brought together with them vehicles this semester. Whoa cool! So yeah I did bring my helmet as well since I don't own any vehicles (ps: my red kancil car rosak. #prayforkancilmerah). We went to eat outside EVERY SINGLE NIGHT during the first week of the new semester. Goddamn my money just flowed out of my wallet just like that. Oh, some of us (a very close friends since sem 1 + shukri from sem 2) went together to Alor Star. Our main mission? To eat at one of our friends' mom's food stall. The journey itself was FANTASTIC. I seriously like it so much that it became the highlight of my semester 3, well kinda. It was like an adventure to me, also as a car driver. Never tried driving an auto car before nor went to Alor Star by myself, I was so scared that we might encounter with some sort of unluckiness. But phew it all worked out fine in the end.

     Halfway through the semester, I started to become odd. I didn't understand Physics, I failed my Math tests, I procrastinated too much and laziness just kicked me hard. It was hard. Past semester, I could easily tackle most of the things but for this semester I acted the same but failed. Guess I was so preoccupied with the results that I got with my previous sem so I took everything so lightly. It was stupid. Oh, I skipped a class. A CLASS. My young self wouldn't believe this if I told him. lol. Just a class no biggie actually.

     Other than that, I really enjoyed my time in my co curricular activities. Seriously, it was the best decision I made to enter the community services. I met many people from different backgrounds, doing activities with them together, spending time with socializing and shits. God it was great. Even though I acted a bit of shy, I still going all out with them. We took sooooo many selfies. Oh, and the best part of that was when I went to a camp with them at Yan. Yep. It made me feel a little bit better. 10/10 would do it again in future. :')

Some of my classmates from cocurricular class.

     Okay. Then we entered into a serious issues. Throughout the semester I told myself that I would be outspoken and going with the flow with everybody. YEAH! Guess what? I DID NOT DO THAT. In fact, I did ditch people out of my uncomfortable-ness. I'm sorry. It just my introverted mind that kept me from speaking or showing any interests towards anything. I ended up just sit in my freaking room for most of the hours. Listening to music, watching movies, looking through pictures, Internet-ing, and else. God I'm An Awful person. But hey I did try a bit though. I guess one of the reasons of why I couldn't really mix with my male friends because of the lack of the same interests. You sell, most of the time they all talked about motorcycles and stuffs, football and other sports which I showed no interest. I tried to get into but the idea itself was repulsive to me.

     Honestly writing, I endured a mild depression towards the end of this semester. I seriously fucked up my world so bad. I avoided eating for a day, avoided contact with human, staying on bed from midnight to 4am trying to fall asleep but failed, sit in the dark inside of the room, listening to other people's laugh while I sit on the chair looking at the wall wondering why I was such a loser to the world and other shitty things. What leaded to this? SOOOO MANY THINGS. I couldn't tell it all but I could story some of it.

  1. Aqil. I will straight up mention his name because I felt terrible for ignoring him. I had issues with him. Like, what? Yeah. I considered him as one of my best friends at there and I seriously looking forward to spend more exciting years with him. Somehow, something made things go from THIS IS COOL to I WANT TO DIE real fast. Firstly, when we went to Penang we (me and him) were accustomed to be drivers. Okay. So there was a moment where he made a mistake and kept telling himself shit shit i'm sorry and all those sort of things. I should have talk to him and say stuff like dude it's okay don't freak out or chilllll. But I didn't and I left him alone driving while I looked outside of the window the whole journey. I don't know. I still felt guilty about that. Then, it happened. THE MAIN EVENT. Short story: Class of semester 2 went together to our lecturer's house to eat and see each other blabla. She (our lecturer) packed extra food and gave us to bring back at college. Cool. Went back and Shukri asked me whos food is this and I replied idk man and he said im full to eat anymore and I said maybe you should give it to someone idk maybe ur roommate and he said Okay. No big deal right? Yes, or so I thought. Then when me and Shukri were talking inside my room, Aqil went to ask wheres my foood and I said in my mind OH SHIT and Shukri told he had given it away and Aqil was extremely upset and just went like that. yes guys. That was how it started. The guiltiness kicked me real hard in the heart and I acted differently since. I avoided seeing him to give him the time to recover from that anger. Ended up I actually avoided talking with him until the end of the semester. During that period I was extremely upset with myself. Thinking about how and why I did this. I miss him. Yet I couldn't speak to him directly. I left some hints on twitter though. I just wanted the situation to be clear and to be just like before. I don't know if I took this matter too deep or too serious but I just wanted it to settle off. We didn't talk. We didn't even maintain eye contact. Even if we were in the same room, we didn't talk. I might be the problem. I'm sorry. I fucked up this so bad. Anyway, I tried my best to come out of this problem. But hey, I guess things a little bit better because before I went back home to spend my holiday I said something and shook hands with you after a couple of months of ignoring each other, right? Ha ha ha.. 
  2. I told myself at first, I might not be suitable with them (my male coursemates that live on the same level of me in same college) so I might want to keep it low with them. Yep. Then I became a bit of jealous when they didn't include me inside their group of whatsapp. lol. No, actually I was a bit jealous when I was left with no info about whatsoever was happening at the time around their group. They planned something? Geez I didn't know that. I shouldn't take this thing like a big deal but somehow I just felt that way. Before this, I kinda close with them since Aqil is really good with them. Since I avoided Aqil, I avoided them as well even not as much as what I might think. Oh fuck I don't know. I seriously don't know what I typed right now. Ah.
  3. Personal issues I guess? What I had in mind that contradicted with many people. I just didn't find my place to sit still and enjoy myself. I always had this kind of doubtful and not in the same league as anyone around here. I felt, like an alien. I didn't feel like telling anyone about it since I didn't want to add another problems into their lives so I should handle this myself. Heh. 
That person without circle was our lecturer. This pic, we went to her house.



     I didn't really write everything though since I don't remember everything in just one-go-of-writing. Maybe if there are something that worth knowing I would let you know in the next post. Probably. That's it I guess as for now. Oh by the way, my depression has decreased a bit but not entirely. Someday maybe :)



p/s: Aqil, if you stumbled upon this and read this post please know that I responsible for that mysterious 'slipper on rack' incidents which might left you frustrated hahaha. Sorry dude.forgive me.

second p/s: I'm gonna fail many subjects this semester. Sorry mum and dad :/ , but hey you would never know this.

third p/s: Those inverted people's faces in pictures above were because of no apparent reason. I just feel like hiding their identities hahahaha. If you're so rajin go and re-inverted those photo to see em faces.

Bye!

HELLOBACK

Holy shit Seriously?

Oh wait guys. Sorry for the swearing at the beginning of this post. It seems like I haven't updated this blog since last year. Gosh. It surely a dead place as of now.

So Hi guys!
  It's August of 2015 already. Time flies real fast when you least expecting, like when you're too damn busy with everything in this world that you got no time to really spend on counting the days (well, there's time here and there to be wasted with doing exactly nothing and eating and sleeping heh heh :P).

How you doing? Thanks for keep reading my blog. I don't even know whether I still have readers or not for the posts in here.

I'm just going to give you small details about the current situation of my life right now.

   Firstly, so far my previous weeks consisted of me weakly trying to wake up; wake up from my resting period, from my laziness, from my trouble thinker, and of course from my sleep. In class, I would consider myself as a foreigner who doesn't know a thing about what the local people are talking. I act like I know when in fact I don't. I agree that I have plenty time, but unfortunately those time I spent with doing researched about the current issue in music world, reddit (which luckily increased my general knowledge so it's okay though), about people's problems, my favourite people and else. See? That is one of my problem. I'm easily astray from the right path. While everyone is following the clear road, I stop and collect the stones and sticks at the side of the road and just then I start to follow them....but I've been left behind sooo faaarr. Get what I mean? I truly hope that I could change this before the end of August. It will be too late by then.

  Secondly, the difficulties I have with myself. Mainly, it's all about the problems I face when I'm trying to cope with the------




AH SCREW THIS.. I didn't  even finish writing this thing. Anyway I will still post this thing since I've already wrote half-way. hahahaha. bye

Sunday, 23 November 2014

It behind at the back of my mind

You know that feeling when you just sit there and think deeply about everything that you had said before, before the time changes everything.

Those moment when you are still talking and looking at people you know and care - not just wondering with a temporary blink of thought. Like you really have nothing to worry to start a new conversation with the people you used to know , or actually still know till this day.

Well yes I do.
I miss them but I don't seem to acknowledge it myself.
Being pretentious to own self - feeling better without the presence of anyone than internet.

Exactly true, if I said that internet friends are real in term of real conversation yet you won't remember long for the entire year nor time but real life friends even if you had a meaningless or pointless discussing it would still be valuable to keep in your box of memories. Rethinking or recalling  those memories when you are about to sleep in your bed holding your pillows in your arms - drifting your mind into the roads that lead to the words and sentences of beautifully voiced by them, will keep you at ease through the night till you fall asleep. But sometimes you just shedding tearless tears upon imagining the happy times you had before and compare it to now, which seems like kinda suck.

When you had the best time of your lives during your old times it would be incomparable to what you are in current time. Your mind keep telling and bringing back it all, and you'll be thinking " I wish it would be like this " ,  " I wish they would come back swinging around me " ... wishful lists.

I do see it, sometime I did. But the truth about life, these are what they called sweet memories. So sweet that it can't be recreated to the same extent. It will stay forever in you, only if you wanted it to be in you forever. It doesn't mean that you can't create a new memory right ? Yeah you can.

I don't know why I'm writing this right now at 2:14 AM. I should have be sleeping right now.

Oh, maybe because I opened twitter it wasn't the same anymore. There are less and less recognizable people there. Maybe. I don't know. haha

I'm not miserable nor melancholy. Just some kind of guilty and weird unreachable visions.
Guys, I hope you have a good life. There's a lot waiting ahead of you. Don't just look back and let it distract and drag you slow. Be strong and pull yourself forward :)

That's it . See you soon.

(oh btw, I'm editing a video. It could be done in a few days but I can't promise when because well, I'm so lazyassprick. heh till then. ) ( And ignore any grammar mistakes coz I'm too lazy to check .. )

Saturday, 20 September 2014

14' is ending soon.

Hey guys.

It's nearly the end of September which means that my first term for this year will end pretty soon. Seriously, I'm not ready for this. It just.. It just TOO fast to bear. I wanna spend more time with people that just became my acquaintance, team and buddy. I wish I could slow down the time but apparently everyone wishes the same thing as well which make it impossible to happen. Right?

First off, I wanna start my soliloquize with stating about the bond that I've cr3ated h3re. Dafuq? Yknow diZ phone alwayz make that shit typos with numb3rs and it seems rempitz.
Don't mind that spelling. So, in new place and new life I've made a lot of new bonding with many people whether through my intention or without. Keep in mind that I'm that kind of person that rarely use my mouth to communicate ; introvert shyness socially awkward and stuffs, but I actually managed to make these people exist in my life here. These people, these special people in here helped me go through the roughness toughness hardness ...*insert suitable words*.. made me capable of dealing with things.

Perhaps next time I'll share about my favourite people  here which include everyone that I know. Maybe not that specific with every SINGLE person's story. I really wanna write about it.

By the way, final exam starts this 24sept so... Don't wish me luck but pray that I'll be hardworking and striving enough to achieve what equal to my efforts. :)

Till we meet again.
Here, I left you with a picture.
This freaking picture is about food that I consumed few weeks earlier which cost me a few RM10 notes. It was delicious but phew  wayyy too expensive. 9/10 would do again (in case I got huge amount of money).

Monday, 28 July 2014

The 'Happy' Day

Hello and Happy Eid-ul Fitr guys !

So, how's your day ? Must be pretty good, better than mine I suppose.
I started my first Syawal with a late-waking-up as I slept around 5a.m my fault, and guess what ? Extremely tired morning.
Then I proceed with the usual bathing, my new Baju Melayu and bla bla bla.
Fast forward to a time around 10a.m or something after Solat Sunat Aidilfitri people began to enter my house.
Ate stuffs and messaging and watching tv and Boom ! Suddenly everything became hectic. A sudden headache attacked me, shit was so terrible and I really feeling like throwing up but luckily I didn't. Phew.

Hot, Rain and Hotter, my body began to release the sweat. Very uncomfortable but still, IT IS RAYA.
Around 1p.m or something, I followed my parent and siblings to Graveyard, grandparents' houses ( keep in mind that I got many grandparents ), other relatives. It's a tradition that we do each year during first syawal so I really have to stick to the family's plan. But unfortunately this year we started the journey a lil bit late as many guests came to our house.
I just came back home around 8p.m and VERY VERY SLEEPY.

Okay, that's my story or summary of today. Next section.

Some people asked me to join them visiting friends' houses and I had to refuse. But seriously If the condition was clear and okay I definitely would go with them.
So I would like to express my guilt and I'm terribly apologise for something that I didn't do. This really bother me a lot. Sorry that I couldn't attend your house or accompany you to somewhere.
I know you won't accept my excuses but it still something that I should do.

Oh, and to that person that I had promised to take selfie of myself and wafiy ( my nephew, not that Giant Wafiy ) , I will deliver it soon. You know it was very hard to take a picture of a boy that kept crying and screaming.

Settle that. Next section.

I didn't have the feeling of taking any picture this year. So, I ended up taking no picture at all. No spirit No enthusiasm No nothing. A very dull day for me. The laziness also kept me hanging on air and avoided me from wishing to all of my contacts. Maybe some of it but not all. You already received a huge amount of wish from numerous human so one non-existed wish from me won't affect anything. Hee ~

This post, I expect that nobody is going to read it but if you do then Thank You :)

That's it. bye 

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

It's July'14 !

Hello people !
Okay. So it's already July 2014 , still a few months left before this year ends. I have a lot of story to be told here (typed) but I start with something latest. I just downloaded an app for android called Blogger which literally similar to this site but for phone version.
With this new app I can post something on my regular basis, yes? I.Think.So.

Secondly, I'm now continue studying in a place that called YOU. Trust me, the only difference between this place and other institute is the environment ; social, people, life styles and lecturer/teacher. The stage for learning process can be hard moderate or easy ( too lazy to put comma there ). Truth be told, I miss my previous Alma mater. To be frank, both are located in Arau. Lol.

After that, MUET ! Okay. I done with it, my first time sitting for that test. Seriously, it WASN'T EVEN GOOD. I did my worst in every section I took. Nothing to blame other than myself. Speaking was a hell bad, writing was super unwell , listening ? Okay I guess. Reading ? Asdfghjkl. I don't know. I definitely can smell the high probability of me to repeat that test again. But I wish I don't . please. God.

boom! My biggest problematic problem that caused me super troublesome. DATA LOST! yes, my data including pictures videos music movies documents softwares memories nightmares are GONE just like that. Almost made me cried a bit but I didn't luckily ( gosh it really broke my heart and soul to pieces ). Just imagine, the things I captured I recorded for more than 4 years and I stored every byte of it in the folder suddenly just vanished from my life without me having the chance to back it up into my external drive. Okay. I already moved on from that. But sadly I'm not able to continue my post about many things that only buried and kept to be drafts from last year. Sorry though. Meh. Life is not always bright to you right ? You just gotta learn how to accept it sometimes.

Other than that, I'm currently on page 151 of 'The Fault In Our Stars'. And curse those people that keep spreading the spoilers on the internet. Just let me finish this book first you bastard! Haha.

Lastly, being here is really time consuming. Like once you opened your eyes and blinked suddenly it already dark. Wtf? Okay. And so many quizzes and tests to be taken in a short time. I suppose it's good that way but really wtf again? Okay. Stop. (I Apologise for my bad influence pfft ) 

That's it for now. Oh, should I provide you with some photos ? Okay. Byee

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Reminiscent Half-part

Hey, macam mana hidup dalam tahun 2014 ?
Gembiye? Deriye? Sengsaye? atau Biase Aye?

Dah, jangan jawab soalan atas itu. Pura - pura ambil berat dengan berselindung disebalik soalan itu. Ha !

Okay, beberapa jam yang lepas aku dengan sengaja membuka folder - folder yang tersimpan di dalam komputer ni. Dah beratus hari tak buka.
Bila aku klik saja folder itu, POOF !

Aura kenangan lepas berlegar keluar,
Ruang kosong masa kini diisi,
 Antara kesedaran mimpi dan fantasi,
Rebah dihimpit ketajaman realiti,
Awan kenangan menutup jiwa dan hati,

Resah tiada untuk kisah kini,
Asal kisah lama tebal dalam diri,
Risau wujud kisah kian dilupai,
Abai kisah lama hidup aku kembali.


Okay apa aku tulis tu? Semua ayat tu datang secara spontan. Teruskan cerita.

Gambar lama, video lalu, orang lama, hidup lalu. Rindu menebal memikirkan betapa indahnya kisah lama. Haha. Indah? Mungkin lah. 

Serius, memang seronok hidup pada zaman tu. Walaupun ada banyak kekangan dalam hidup dari segi kebebasan dan mungkin agak terkongkong dari abang senior ; asrama leee. 

Kisahnya dulu aku suka merapu, jadi wujudnya video ni. Eh,perlukah aku muat naik di sini ? Okay tebalkan muka boleh la. Blog aku juga kan ? LOL 

Video yang ni menunjukkan aku dan Hayazi dalam misi menyiasat perkara misteri yang terjadi di blok tingkatan 3. Eh? Bukan. Tingkatan 4. Okay dah lupa tingkatan berapa. Apa apa lah, jadi misi diteruskan sehingga ke kelas paling hujung. Bau asap misteri misteri lah sangat yang berlegar di sekitar kawasan terbabit. Video ni dari Februari 2011. Jadi masa tu aku tingkatan 4. Ha terjawab soalan atas tu, ni blok tingkatan 4, konfem !

           
 

"hari ni kita akan menyiasat.."
"maaf tuan tuan misi gagal"

Baru 3 tahun kan ? Jadi video ni tak lah antik sangat. Tapi serius kelakar bila teringat kembali. Masa ni hari sabtu / ahad, bebudak asrama tak balik minggu tu jadi memang masa free lah. 

Ini pula video kedua, aku buat persembahan. Bila tiada matlamat dalam hidup, bila kerja sekolah dibiarkan berteriakan di atas meja dibilik study, bila bosan hujung minggu, bila tiada matlamat dalam hidup eh macam dah taip tadi . Sedih kan ? Biasalah, tingkatan 4 kan tahun honeymoon macam yang selalu digembar gemburkan oleh guru. Tebal muka tengok diri sendiri haha.






"saya nurun hayazi.. rakan..RAKAN! ..."
"kita akan saksikan persembahan itu.."
"..adakah logik atau tak logik...?"
*me starts dancing*
*me runaways*
" saya isytiharkan esok cuti.."
 

Okay, fuh. Aku tak pasti apa yang merasuk fikiran aku pada masa tu, kelakuan yang misteri sekali. Menari pun macam orang sakit. Sila padam imej ini daripada otak anda sekarang. Padam terus. Jangan diingati lagi.

Terselit juga gambar dalam semua aktiviti ini.



Ini Nurun, dalam kelas 4 Umar. Wehoo. Kelas kami dulu. Atas ni aku, tu tak tidur.


K.
 Lame kan gambar - gambar tu ? Sangat. Memang. Hokayh.

Sekian sahaja, pendek je post kali ni. Kalau nak cerita pasal kisah yang lama memang ambil masa yang lama. Sambung sajalah nanti bila wujudnya rasa ingin menaip.

Noktah akhir

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Pronunciation Poem

Hey guys,
i found this 'short' poem that will help you in saying the right pronunciation of words.
I tried this and it was fun.  Some of the words are difficult to say for us as non-native speakers of english but we must try .

So here's a paste of something i copied earlier from the owner's blog,

 "While most of you non-native speakers of English speak English quite well, there is always room for improvement (of course, the same could be said for every person for any subject, but that is another matter). To that end, I'd like to offer you a poem. Once you've learned to correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

If you find it tough going, do not despair, you are not alone: Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language ... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself."

 

English is tough stuff 

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse,
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy. 
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I ! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
( Mind the latter, how it's written. )
Now I surely will not plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food.
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise.
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche !
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict, and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up !!!

( Apparently excerpted from The Chaos by Gerrard Nolst Trenite. )


So that's it ! forgive me if there any spelling mistakes as i re-typed it again
( not copy paste okay ! ) 

Source : ClickHere^_^